ACE Student Work 2: ANP Based on a Graphic Organizer
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Given the assignment to bring to school a picture of a memorable event, the ACE student wrote an autobiographical narrative paragraph (ANP) of at least 8 sentences that was based on the photo. After writing Version 1.0, the paragraph was shown to a classmate in order for the writer to receive feedback of at least 5 questions from a reader/audience. Version 2.0 is a revision taking into account the questions of the reader/audience.
Feel free to comment or give feedback after each student's work.
Feel free to comment or give feedback after each student's work.
Version 1.0 of Jag Delfin
G7C: Learning new things is always difficult, but it always rewards in the end. I was on my way to Tagaytay when we stopped by a relative's house. It was absolutely boring! So, I decided to play billiards with the men downstairs. That was when I found that I was truly and utterly terrible at the game! Whenever it was my turn, I'd always miss the ball. By the time I do, it'd move two inches forward. Despite this, I had loads of fun! So, the next morning, I practiced with my cousin and one of the men and became better at billiards. Finally, after beating my cousin, I finally truly learned how to play billiards. |
Version 2.0 of __________
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Version 1.0 of __________
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Version 2.0 of Kean Agcaoili
Draft 2 G7C: Nothing could ever compare to my tournament in Japan last July 2013. When I arrived there with my aunties and parents, I went on a 2 hour bus ride without them, but with my teammates. Afterwards, I arrived at my foster family's home at around 6 o'clock pm. I played around with the japanese kids on the street. After 2 days, my team had a game with Chinese Taipei. I really felt the deeling of anxiety and how excited I still was! When we played against them, we lost 10-1, but at least we learned the value of sportsmanship.Furthermore, we lost all the remaining games, but in the end, I made a lasting friendship with an Aussie, Blake. Thus, I will always treasure this memorable experience as it helped me build confidence in my self and a truly lasting friendship. Nothing could even compare to my tournament in Japan last July 2013. When I arrived there with my parents and aunties, I went on a 2 hour bus ride without them but my teammates. Afterwards, I arrived at my foster family's home at around 6 pm. I played around with the Japanese kids on the street. The next 2 days, my team had a game with Chinese Taipei. I felt the feeling of anxiety but I was also excited! When we played against them, we lost 10-1 but at least we learned the value of sportsmanship. Furthermore, we lost all the remaining games but in the end, I made a lasting friendship with an Aussie, Blake. Then , I went back here in the Philippines with an unforgetable experience. Thus, I will always treasure this memorable memory as it helped me build confidence in myself and a true friendship. Kean Agcaoili 7-Bonifacio(ACE) |
Aidan Reyes
Last year, my dad brought me to the Carfight Vanguard regional qualifiers. I was so excited when we got to Glorietta that I dragged me dad to the registration booth. After I was registered I sat down and watched the show, as they were playing it on a large screen. I looked at my competition and they were all either teenagers or adults but I was not scared. I got ready for the first round then I said goodbye to my dad as he had to go. The first round started and I was nervous as I thought I did not enough but I tried my best. I got through the 1st to 5th round, but one more loss and I was out. The 6th round started and my opponent was either 12 – 13 years old. He started well by getting a good hand and me getting the opposite. I tried my hardest but I lost, but I went home knowing I did well on my first tournament. |
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Version 1.0 of Macmac Zafra
37 Manuel D. Zafra III July 3,2014 7-Bonifacio I cannot forget my first school year in middle school that is also my best. Why I said this? It’s because of my own beloved Grade 4 section, 4-Maranaw. During the first day of that school year, I was scared because of the new rules of the middle school and also shy around my new now ex-classmates. I first started small and try to be friends with CN39&40. Carl and Syre, and we were doing well together. I then befriended the classmates to my right since I’m column 6 so I am at the edge. In an few months, I was having good relationships with more of my classmates and no rivalries. Heck, even the class President and I had no grudges held between us. It was then in mid- 3rd quarter, I started joining my classmates in games during recess and lunch. I was having the time of my life as I was playing “agawan base” and “virus” and it ever gets old. By the end of the school year, I felt so heartbroken to be separated from my classmates. That school year is so memorable and joyful and it help me recognize the fact that having a lot of friends does not make it a nuisance. Who was your teacher? What was your class number? Why was it memorable and joyful? Who was the class President? |
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Version 1.0 of Mako Guarin
As a student in the Ateneo, I would not forget my first day of school. When I arrived, I felt nervous, but I tried to gain confidence. While walking to my classroom, I was amazed at how enormous the school was, compared to my old school, which was just a small building. In the classroom, I was rather shy and nervous. When the teacher arrived, she introduced herself as Ms. Maniego, and then we introduced ourselves to her. Later on, she talked about rules, procedures, requirements, and a few other things. During recess, I ate and tried to make new friends. I lost my nervous as it turned into joy. It felt like a short day, but I absolutely enjoyed my first day in the Ateneo. After school, i felt joyful and excited about what I would experience. As this was the start of a new adventure, I would not forget about this memorable event in my life. |
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Version 1.0 of Marc Bascara
Marc Bascara My birthdays are always fun, joyful and awesome but my 10th birthday has been the best so far. It was my best birthday because it was the first time I visited a theme park with my friends and family. The day started with my favorite breakfast of bacon and eggs set on the table. After I ate, my parents came home, and they were the first people to greet me, so I was filled with joy. They gave their presents to me and as I tore the gift wrappers, I felt excited to discover what my gifts were. I thanked my parents for my wonderful presents with enthusiasm. Then, I woke my sisters up because they were coming with us to Enchanted Kingdom. My driver picked up my friends because I invited them too. We rode a van to EK and arrived after 2 hours. When we arrived, I was eager to try all the rides with my buddies. All of us walked around and rode rides like EKstreme and Ships Ahoy. It was sunny, but it suddenly rained, so we went to the arcade to take shelter. While we were there, we saw various video games, so my friends and I decided to play. When the rained stopped, we continued our walk around the theme park. We stayed in EK until late afternoon, and before we left, we bought souvenirs like key chains. I wanted the day to last longer, but we had to go home. It was a tiring day, yet it was also an unforgettable one. |
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Version 1.0 of Earl Eleazar
My grade 6 graduation was one of the best moments of my life. Last March, I woke up early to prepare myself for the graduation. When I got to the High School Covered Courts, I immediately went to the classroom assigned to my section, Pugad Lawin. There, I played with my friends to remove the nervousness. When our teacher, Mrs. Antonio, came, we were told to line up to prepare to march into the covered courts. As we were marching, I felt a sense of pride as I held my head high. It was very hot during the ceremony but it was all worth it when I went up the stage to receive my diploma and awards, and I smiled as I felt the satisfaction of all my hard work paying off. Then, as we exited the covered courts, I felt that I had just left behind a new chapter of my life. Finally, when I got outside, I hugged my parents really tightly because of extreme joy. Truly, this is an experience that I will never forget. |
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Version 1.0 of Seth Umipig
Autobiographical Narrative Paragraph (G7C) Seth Umipig One of my dreams was to go to Korea , and last summer that dream came true. My family and I first went to the NAIA airport , boarded a plane ,then landed in Incheon,Korea. In our guest house, we changed our clothes ,and slept . On our first day, we went to a famous theme park called Everland. Unfortunately we were unable to enjoy all rides since there were a lot of people. The next day we went to tour a palace for sightseeing. Lotte World is my favourite place in Korea. It is an indoor amusement park which had a lot of enjoyable rides like: Bungee drop , French Revolution ,Wrath of the Pharaoh and many others. Unlike our Everland experience we were able to enjoy a lot more rides. My family went shopping on our last day. We bought clothes, some food , a pair of shoes and many others. I will truly miss the attractions and hospitality of Korea. |
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ACE STUDENT WORK 2: ANP BASED ON A GRAPHIC ORGANIZER
Version 1 What could be more exciting than making a new friend especially if he's willing to make friends with you as well? It all started a year ago, about last summer. School was over, we had celebrated so hard but boredom still overcame us when we realized we had no friends to chat with anymore, or any plans for the days ahead. I watched from a distance as one of my busmates was playing outside with his little brother. Suddenly, a thought occurred to me! Like I always did wih new classmates, I would try making friends with my busmate, XT. At first I hesitated, but my curiosity and my longing for a new friend got the better of me. I slowly approached their gate and casually said "Hi!" to them. I expected a negative response, but the only thing he said was, "Hey, want to play with us?" I cheerfully accepted and before I knew it, we seemed like friends who hadn't seen each other in a long time. He also invited me in his house to play a few games and with a few toys. As night fell, I realized I was going to be late for dinner! So I politely said goodbye to my new friend and walked backed home. Even at dinner, I couldn't stop thinking about the events that had unfolded earlier that morning. I now had something to keep me preoccupied during that summer, a new best friend. |
ACE STUDENT WORK 2: ANP BASED ON A GRAPHIC ORGANIZER
Version 2 It all started two summers ago, the last day of school. I had celebrated hard with my classmates, anticipating the two month break from all homeworks, seatworks, assignments, projects and exams. As I neared home in our subdivision, looking at the faces of my busmates, who were not really my friends, a certain kind of sadness slowly overcame me and I soon realized that once I got off the bus, I wouldn't have anymore friends to chat and play with, or make plans with for the days ahead. After changing into my house clothes, I began to feel bored, so I went out to hunt for insects to amuse myself. Just then, I heard laughing and shouting. I turned and saw one of my busmates happily playing with his younger brother in their garage, two houses away from mine. A thought suddenly occurred to me. I would try making friends with my busmate like I always did with my new classmates. At first I hesitated, but my curiosity and my longing for a new friend got the better of me. I slowly approached their gate, and casually said "Hi!" to them. I expected a negative response, but the only thing he said was, "Hey, want to play with us?" and introduced himself and his younger brother. I cheerfully accepted and before I knew it, we were playing like old friends already. He also invited me in his house to play some video games, lego sets and action figures. As night fell, I realized I was going to be late for dinner! So I politely said goodbye to my new friend, and walked joyously back home. Even at dinner, I couln't stop thinking and planning for our next playdate. One thing's for sure, my summer vacation won't be dull and lonely anymore because I now had a new best friend named XT (Xavier Timothy). |