Second Composition: Noun-Verb STory
Given the focus in the last few weeks on writing sentences while studying all about nouns, the MAGIS student worked with a partner to write a story composed of nouns and verbs only. All determiners and quantifiers were allowed. As a model work, an excerpt from Strider by Beverly Cleary when Leigh Botts wrote a similar noun-verb composition about his last race of the year was read aloud and shown to the class.
Mark and Enzo G:
1st story
I enter football field. I hear cheering. Heart pounding, we kick-off. Teammates pass ball. I run. I am open. Teammate passes ball to me. I control. I shoot. Keeper saves. Keeper volleys. Players jump. Enemy gets ball. I defend. I tackle. I miss. Enemy shoots. Enemy scores. Enemy rejoices. Game stops. Game continues. I pass. We push. I become open. They pass. I control. I shoot. Heart pounding, I saw the referee. Goal cancelled. I was offside. Game goes on. I rest a bit. I think. We play. Last chance. I cross. Teammate heads. Teammate scores. We rejoice. Referee blows whistle. Half time. We rest. We think. We plan. Coach announces play. Halftime finished. Game continues. They kick off. We go to defence. I tackle. I steal. I run. I use counter-attacking tactic. I pass to teammates. I become open. They pass ball to me. I shoot. I goal. I rejoice. Last ten minutes. Team is eager to win. Coach shouts play. Enemy kicks off. We go to defence. I tackle. I foul. Last kick of the game. 25 yards away. We form a wall. Enemy kicks. Ball goes past the wall. Keeper jumps. Keeper saves. We cheer. Game Is finished. We won! We rejoice. Coach congratulates us. Crowd goes wild. We all go home.
2nd story
Mark goes to shakey’s. mark sees girl. Mark sits beside girl. Girl doesn’t notice mark. Mark whistles. Waiter approaches. Mark orders mojos. Girl notices girl. Mark hold girls hand. Girl snorts. Girl goes away. Mark cries. Gangsters enter shakey’s. gangsters sit beside girl. Gangsters tease girl. Mark rescues girl. Mark fight’s gangsters. Mark wins. Gangsters go out of shakey’s. girl thanks mark. Mark wins girl’s heart
1st story
I enter football field. I hear cheering. Heart pounding, we kick-off. Teammates pass ball. I run. I am open. Teammate passes ball to me. I control. I shoot. Keeper saves. Keeper volleys. Players jump. Enemy gets ball. I defend. I tackle. I miss. Enemy shoots. Enemy scores. Enemy rejoices. Game stops. Game continues. I pass. We push. I become open. They pass. I control. I shoot. Heart pounding, I saw the referee. Goal cancelled. I was offside. Game goes on. I rest a bit. I think. We play. Last chance. I cross. Teammate heads. Teammate scores. We rejoice. Referee blows whistle. Half time. We rest. We think. We plan. Coach announces play. Halftime finished. Game continues. They kick off. We go to defence. I tackle. I steal. I run. I use counter-attacking tactic. I pass to teammates. I become open. They pass ball to me. I shoot. I goal. I rejoice. Last ten minutes. Team is eager to win. Coach shouts play. Enemy kicks off. We go to defence. I tackle. I foul. Last kick of the game. 25 yards away. We form a wall. Enemy kicks. Ball goes past the wall. Keeper jumps. Keeper saves. We cheer. Game Is finished. We won! We rejoice. Coach congratulates us. Crowd goes wild. We all go home.
2nd story
Mark goes to shakey’s. mark sees girl. Mark sits beside girl. Girl doesn’t notice mark. Mark whistles. Waiter approaches. Mark orders mojos. Girl notices girl. Mark hold girls hand. Girl snorts. Girl goes away. Mark cries. Gangsters enter shakey’s. gangsters sit beside girl. Gangsters tease girl. Mark rescues girl. Mark fight’s gangsters. Mark wins. Gangsters go out of shakey’s. girl thanks mark. Mark wins girl’s heart
Comments
Enzo and Mark,
I like your first story because there is so much potential in it. It needs to be revised and one area would be to change some of the more "common" verbs you are using to more specific verbs given the context of a soccer game. As a good example, the second half of the paragraph (and the second half of the game, also!) makes use of more specific verbs such as kick off, heads, cross, and form a wall, while the first half uses verbs such as shoots, scores, and pass.
I am seriously disappointed in the lack of effort on your parts to edit your second story and to even make a clean first draft. Errors such as not capitalizing Shakey's and Mark, not putting an apostrophe to show possession in "girl's hand," and putting an apostrophe where one is NOT needed in the sentence "Mark fight's gangsters" all point to a rushed work.
Yes, the creative writing assignment appears easy, but a little attention to detail on your part would actually make it easy both for you to finish the work AND to learn how to be a better writer.
I like your first story because there is so much potential in it. It needs to be revised and one area would be to change some of the more "common" verbs you are using to more specific verbs given the context of a soccer game. As a good example, the second half of the paragraph (and the second half of the game, also!) makes use of more specific verbs such as kick off, heads, cross, and form a wall, while the first half uses verbs such as shoots, scores, and pass.
I am seriously disappointed in the lack of effort on your parts to edit your second story and to even make a clean first draft. Errors such as not capitalizing Shakey's and Mark, not putting an apostrophe to show possession in "girl's hand," and putting an apostrophe where one is NOT needed in the sentence "Mark fight's gangsters" all point to a rushed work.
Yes, the creative writing assignment appears easy, but a little attention to detail on your part would actually make it easy both for you to finish the work AND to learn how to be a better writer.
Joshua Dabalos:
The day was Saturday. I felt something move. The lights flickered. I saw a figure. The ghost chased me. I ran. The figure followed. I tried escaping. The spirit cornered me. I was shaking. I heard Robert’s voice. He said “Peter, I am Robert, the electrician.” The electrician said he turned off the current. I realized I thought the man was a ghost. Robert and I laughed.
Le Ende
The day was Saturday. I felt something move. The lights flickered. I saw a figure. The ghost chased me. I ran. The figure followed. I tried escaping. The spirit cornered me. I was shaking. I heard Robert’s voice. He said “Peter, I am Robert, the electrician.” The electrician said he turned off the current. I realized I thought the man was a ghost. Robert and I laughed.
Le Ende
Kiro domingo and jano cadiz
7-abad santos
(both stories are made by both jano and kiro)
Enzo fought Marcus. Enzo stabbed Marcus. The victim FELL. Naomi cAme. The woman saw. The girl called a hospital. Enzo escaped. An ambulance came. Marcus died. Naomi cried. The lady planned an assassination. NAOMI FINDS ENZO. ENZO GOT SHOT. The villain’s BRAIN EXPLODED. THE KILLER died.
THE END
Augusto met bea. THE TWO became friends. The couple fell in love with each other. THE duo had a date. Anton saw them. Anton felt jealousy. Anton walked towards THE PAIR. Anton pushed augusto. THE VILLAIN took bea. THE counter parts ran away. Bea resisted. Augusto ran. THE LOVER caught up. THE HERO punched anton. THE LOVERS ran away. THE TEAM went home. THE LOVERS slept together. The couple married. The two live happily ever after.
THE END
7-abad santos
(both stories are made by both jano and kiro)
Enzo fought Marcus. Enzo stabbed Marcus. The victim FELL. Naomi cAme. The woman saw. The girl called a hospital. Enzo escaped. An ambulance came. Marcus died. Naomi cried. The lady planned an assassination. NAOMI FINDS ENZO. ENZO GOT SHOT. The villain’s BRAIN EXPLODED. THE KILLER died.
THE END
Augusto met bea. THE TWO became friends. The couple fell in love with each other. THE duo had a date. Anton saw them. Anton felt jealousy. Anton walked towards THE PAIR. Anton pushed augusto. THE VILLAIN took bea. THE counter parts ran away. Bea resisted. Augusto ran. THE LOVER caught up. THE HERO punched anton. THE LOVERS ran away. THE TEAM went home. THE LOVERS slept together. The couple married. The two live happily ever after.
THE END
Reece and Zach
Zach's story
It’s Friday. School starts .Bell rings. Teacher doesn’t come. Students talk. Voices rise. Teacher comes, shouting orders. Students follow. Teacher announces test. Students go home, wasting weekend. Test comes. Students fail. Chuck Norris comes. Chuck Norris kills teacher. Lesson: study.
Reece'story
Boy digs hole. The boy falls into hole. The young man sees fire. The male sees parents. Boy sees demon. Demon spews fire. Devil burns me. Monster asks question. The boy says wrong answer. Demon eats parents. Student wakes up. The student goes to school. Boy answers test. Student gets results. The boy fails test. Reece goes home. Reece the student tells parents. Parents forgive Reece.
Zach's story
It’s Friday. School starts .Bell rings. Teacher doesn’t come. Students talk. Voices rise. Teacher comes, shouting orders. Students follow. Teacher announces test. Students go home, wasting weekend. Test comes. Students fail. Chuck Norris comes. Chuck Norris kills teacher. Lesson: study.
Reece'story
Boy digs hole. The boy falls into hole. The young man sees fire. The male sees parents. Boy sees demon. Demon spews fire. Devil burns me. Monster asks question. The boy says wrong answer. Demon eats parents. Student wakes up. The student goes to school. Boy answers test. Student gets results. The boy fails test. Reece goes home. Reece the student tells parents. Parents forgive Reece.
Jaime Bautista
Paco goes to war. Paco exits plane. Paco goes to base. Base is bombed. Paco loses consciousness.Paco wakes up. Paco sees guys in camo. Paco stands up. Paco grabs gun. Paco shoots gun. Paco misses. Bullet ricochets. Bullet hits Paco. Paco dies. Hitler enters. Hitler kills himself.
THE END
Paco Blanco
Jaime enters school. Jaime enters class. Jaime notices he forgot his homework. Teacher shouts at Jaime. Jaime sits down. Window breaks. Random rocket flies into the room. Rocket hits Jaime. Jaime screams. Jaime dies. Steve Jobs enters. Steve gets a heart-attack. Steve dies.
THE END
Or is it???
Paco goes to war. Paco exits plane. Paco goes to base. Base is bombed. Paco loses consciousness.Paco wakes up. Paco sees guys in camo. Paco stands up. Paco grabs gun. Paco shoots gun. Paco misses. Bullet ricochets. Bullet hits Paco. Paco dies. Hitler enters. Hitler kills himself.
THE END
Paco Blanco
Jaime enters school. Jaime enters class. Jaime notices he forgot his homework. Teacher shouts at Jaime. Jaime sits down. Window breaks. Random rocket flies into the room. Rocket hits Jaime. Jaime screams. Jaime dies. Steve Jobs enters. Steve gets a heart-attack. Steve dies.
THE END
Or is it???
Gio Ledesma July 9, 2013
CJ Carlos
Isaiah C
The race will circle the world. Randy felt excitement. Randy prepared himself to start the race. Announcer Jay said the competitors were Margo, Tom, Bruce, Jill, Fox, Ashley, and I. Randy hears him say “Ready, set, GO!” They start racing. First, California race to LA-beach. Tom first, Randy last. Margo is in California. Margo is running. Margo steals car. I scream “Illegal!” Jay says “Stop!” Margo bribes Jay. Jay lets her go. She reaches jets 2nd. Tom is 1st. Tom takes off. Randy arrives 3rd. Randy sees Tom crash. Haha. More chance of winning. We reach China. Margo first,Randy last. Jay says “Climb Great Wall.” “On other side, jet. Jets have pilots. Jill falls off. Yay! More chance of winning. Randy scared. Hmm… what a good day! We reach jets. Ashley first, Bruce last. We reach Australia.Jay says we swim to Africa via the Pacific. Fox hit shark. Shark eats Fox. Mwahaha! Randy is hating swimming. Bruce becomes first. Randy becomes last. Again.
CJ Carlos
Isaiah C
The race will circle the world. Randy felt excitement. Randy prepared himself to start the race. Announcer Jay said the competitors were Margo, Tom, Bruce, Jill, Fox, Ashley, and I. Randy hears him say “Ready, set, GO!” They start racing. First, California race to LA-beach. Tom first, Randy last. Margo is in California. Margo is running. Margo steals car. I scream “Illegal!” Jay says “Stop!” Margo bribes Jay. Jay lets her go. She reaches jets 2nd. Tom is 1st. Tom takes off. Randy arrives 3rd. Randy sees Tom crash. Haha. More chance of winning. We reach China. Margo first,Randy last. Jay says “Climb Great Wall.” “On other side, jet. Jets have pilots. Jill falls off. Yay! More chance of winning. Randy scared. Hmm… what a good day! We reach jets. Ashley first, Bruce last. We reach Australia.Jay says we swim to Africa via the Pacific. Fox hit shark. Shark eats Fox. Mwahaha! Randy is hating swimming. Bruce becomes first. Randy becomes last. Again.
Marco and ???
Marco and the Cat of Doom
Marco sees cat. Marco pets cat. Cat runs away. Cat returns with kittens. They turn into demons. Marco brings out gun. Marco shoots demons. They died. Marco shot cat. Cat ate bullet. Cat mauled Marco. Marco shot cat again. Cat died. Marco went to classroom.
The Bag of Money (continuation of the Cat of Doom)
Marco eats lunch. He sees Carlos. Carlos looked sad. Marco asks what’s wrong. He says his money bag was stolen. Marco asks Julian about money. He says the money bag he’s holding was his. Kulas steals Julian’s money. Marco gets gun. Marco fires. He missed. Kulas runs. Marco chases him. Marco tackled Kulas. Marco gives money bag to Julian. Marco handcuffs Kulas. Kulas goes to jail.
Marco and the Cat of Doom
Marco sees cat. Marco pets cat. Cat runs away. Cat returns with kittens. They turn into demons. Marco brings out gun. Marco shoots demons. They died. Marco shot cat. Cat ate bullet. Cat mauled Marco. Marco shot cat again. Cat died. Marco went to classroom.
The Bag of Money (continuation of the Cat of Doom)
Marco eats lunch. He sees Carlos. Carlos looked sad. Marco asks what’s wrong. He says his money bag was stolen. Marco asks Julian about money. He says the money bag he’s holding was his. Kulas steals Julian’s money. Marco gets gun. Marco fires. He missed. Kulas runs. Marco chases him. Marco tackled Kulas. Marco gives money bag to Julian. Marco handcuffs Kulas. Kulas goes to jail.
Arjel and ???
Intrams team c championship
Referee announces “Score 9-10”. Referee blows whistle. Tyrael serves ball. Opponent hits ball. Arjel saves ball. Teammate hits ball. Ball hits net. Referee announces “Score 10-10”. Arjel thinks, “Eleventh point wins”. Opponent serves. Tyrael blocks ball. Canseco saves ball. Arjel hits ball. Opponent spikes. Ball hits net. Referee ends game. Referee announces “11-10,Malacañang”. Team C wins championship. GRADE 7
CLASS NIGHT
Bell rings. Class ends. Class night begins. Arjel and friends set sleeping bags. Arjel and friends play basketball. 5:30, we swim. Arjel and friends take shower. Arjel and friends go classroom. Mrs Salvana checks attendance. Arjel and friends eat dinner. 7:00, program starts. Each group dances. Each group plays game. P.E teachers lead games. Parents cheer. Teachers dance. Mr.Falgui does backflip. Everyone applauds. Mrs.Santos announces winners. She gives merits. Program ends. Teacher gives free time. Arjel and friends go ghost hunting. Arjel and friends go back to classroom. Arjel and friends share stories. Arjel and friends brush teeth. Arjel and friends wash face. 2:00,we sleep.
Intrams team c championship
Referee announces “Score 9-10”. Referee blows whistle. Tyrael serves ball. Opponent hits ball. Arjel saves ball. Teammate hits ball. Ball hits net. Referee announces “Score 10-10”. Arjel thinks, “Eleventh point wins”. Opponent serves. Tyrael blocks ball. Canseco saves ball. Arjel hits ball. Opponent spikes. Ball hits net. Referee ends game. Referee announces “11-10,Malacañang”. Team C wins championship. GRADE 7
CLASS NIGHT
Bell rings. Class ends. Class night begins. Arjel and friends set sleeping bags. Arjel and friends play basketball. 5:30, we swim. Arjel and friends take shower. Arjel and friends go classroom. Mrs Salvana checks attendance. Arjel and friends eat dinner. 7:00, program starts. Each group dances. Each group plays game. P.E teachers lead games. Parents cheer. Teachers dance. Mr.Falgui does backflip. Everyone applauds. Mrs.Santos announces winners. She gives merits. Program ends. Teacher gives free time. Arjel and friends go ghost hunting. Arjel and friends go back to classroom. Arjel and friends share stories. Arjel and friends brush teeth. Arjel and friends wash face. 2:00,we sleep.
JG and Gabe
Gabe Apostol
I’m in the Irwin Theater. I’m dressed. I am afraid. Flag Ceremony commences. Ceremony ends. Curtains open, I steel nerves. I dance the intro of; “Kules”. I preformed the first act. I do the second. Intermission comes in. I gobble food. I rest. Show commences again. I brace myself. I act the final act. I reached the end. Joy bubbles inside. Curtain closes and applause waves in. I go wild. I dress. I rush back to class. I’m satisfied
JG Gonzales
I’m running. Vice-president. This is the day. “Candidates, ready, go!” Posters up high. Materials ready. Supporters in way, haters away. Courage comes in, but with fear. Debate day. I speak words of wisdom. People clap, but comes with “boo”. I say, “Let’s just see”. The important day is here. “Votes , ballots to fill and to be collected.” Voting underway. Fear and anxiety bubbled inside me. “Lord, let me win!”, my prayer said. Counting votes. Excited. Sadness comes in, like a fog after a rainy day. I lost. “It’s okay, next year we’ll come.” I’m lucky…. Life is good…
Gabe Apostol
I’m in the Irwin Theater. I’m dressed. I am afraid. Flag Ceremony commences. Ceremony ends. Curtains open, I steel nerves. I dance the intro of; “Kules”. I preformed the first act. I do the second. Intermission comes in. I gobble food. I rest. Show commences again. I brace myself. I act the final act. I reached the end. Joy bubbles inside. Curtain closes and applause waves in. I go wild. I dress. I rush back to class. I’m satisfied
JG Gonzales
I’m running. Vice-president. This is the day. “Candidates, ready, go!” Posters up high. Materials ready. Supporters in way, haters away. Courage comes in, but with fear. Debate day. I speak words of wisdom. People clap, but comes with “boo”. I say, “Let’s just see”. The important day is here. “Votes , ballots to fill and to be collected.” Voting underway. Fear and anxiety bubbled inside me. “Lord, let me win!”, my prayer said. Counting votes. Excited. Sadness comes in, like a fog after a rainy day. I lost. “It’s okay, next year we’ll come.” I’m lucky…. Life is good…
Seb Paez and Rama Suterio
Class Night ZombieSlayers
Seb and Rama Zombieslayers.
We go to the rock garden. Air becomes chilly. Shivers up our spines. We turn around. See bodies. Run away. Rama Grabs a gun. Turn and shoot. A zombie falls. Seb summons a teacher. Teacher scolds zombies. Zombies eat teacher. We run. People see zombies. They scream. Zombies separate. they eat people. Seb summons teachers. Teachers use karate. kill zombies. Go to school. Dream ends. Zombie outbreak. People scream.
End.
The end of the world
In classroom. Earthquake happens. People scream. Evacuate! Building falls. Survivors counted. Military comes. Give shelter. Comfort survivors. Another earthquake. Tsunami happens. Volcanoes explode. People die. Movie ends. Earthquake happens. I look around. Stare at the sky. Aliens appear. Avengers come. New York saved. Realize im in the Philippines. Still running. Aliens still here. Run to starbucks. Grab a bagel. Throw at alien. Alien dies. Use bagels to kill aliens. The end
Class Night ZombieSlayers
Seb and Rama Zombieslayers.
We go to the rock garden. Air becomes chilly. Shivers up our spines. We turn around. See bodies. Run away. Rama Grabs a gun. Turn and shoot. A zombie falls. Seb summons a teacher. Teacher scolds zombies. Zombies eat teacher. We run. People see zombies. They scream. Zombies separate. they eat people. Seb summons teachers. Teachers use karate. kill zombies. Go to school. Dream ends. Zombie outbreak. People scream.
End.
The end of the world
In classroom. Earthquake happens. People scream. Evacuate! Building falls. Survivors counted. Military comes. Give shelter. Comfort survivors. Another earthquake. Tsunami happens. Volcanoes explode. People die. Movie ends. Earthquake happens. I look around. Stare at the sky. Aliens appear. Avengers come. New York saved. Realize im in the Philippines. Still running. Aliens still here. Run to starbucks. Grab a bagel. Throw at alien. Alien dies. Use bagels to kill aliens. The end
Varona | Saliva
Jacinto
Heart beats. I wear socks, wear shoes, wear shinguards. Coach speaks. “Win the game, do best,” he says. “Play well.” We warm up. We shake hands. The game starts. The ball is passed to me. I run, I beat the defenders! Losing breath. I reach the penalty box. I kick. The ball flies. The keeper jumps. The keeper misses, the net ripples. I score! I shout, run around. Teammates hug, coach smiles. We win the game.
Teams step on court. Announcer calls names. We jog, warm up. Referee throws ball up. Ball is ours. Ball is passed here and there. The game is about to end. Losing by one. Ten seconds on the clock. Ball passed to me, face ring, dribble, lay-up. Buzzer rings, ball goes in. Crowd shouts, “BUZZER BEATER!” We win the game.
Jacinto
Heart beats. I wear socks, wear shoes, wear shinguards. Coach speaks. “Win the game, do best,” he says. “Play well.” We warm up. We shake hands. The game starts. The ball is passed to me. I run, I beat the defenders! Losing breath. I reach the penalty box. I kick. The ball flies. The keeper jumps. The keeper misses, the net ripples. I score! I shout, run around. Teammates hug, coach smiles. We win the game.
Teams step on court. Announcer calls names. We jog, warm up. Referee throws ball up. Ball is ours. Ball is passed here and there. The game is about to end. Losing by one. Ten seconds on the clock. Ball passed to me, face ring, dribble, lay-up. Buzzer rings, ball goes in. Crowd shouts, “BUZZER BEATER!” We win the game.
Luigi Ledesma
7-Abad Santos
Magis English
Racers reach Africa. Jay says: Drive jeeps to Libya. Follow the roads. A boat will take you to Paris, France. No traffic. (Shouts for joy!) Obstacles and traps on all roads.(Moans) Randy gets on jeep. Randy drives to Libya. Margo, a past criminal, outdrives all competitors . Animal cruelty added to her records. Margo now wanted in Africa. Margo reaches Libya. Margo then bribes boatman due to criminal records. Then Ashley arrives, then Bruce, then Randy. Last again. Margo mocks African Police as she leaves. Margo needs counselors, Randy thinks. They reach Paris. Jay says: Bike to the Eiffel Tower. Head to top of Eiffel Tower. Get on Helicopter. Go to Mexico. Do not use attached machine guns. If used, racer is kicked out. ( Darn it, says Margo.) Randy gets on bike. Randy bikes to Eiffel Tower. Margo sabotages Bruce. Bruce crashes into random mime. French police fine him €5000. They love mimes. Margo celebrates success. Bruce curses and vows revenge. Ashley, a biker at birth, reaches tower first. Randy reaches tower second. Randy takes stairs. Randy becomes last. Grrr. He thinks.Competitors get on helicopters. Helicopers take them to Mexico.
7-Abad Santos
Magis English
Racers reach Africa. Jay says: Drive jeeps to Libya. Follow the roads. A boat will take you to Paris, France. No traffic. (Shouts for joy!) Obstacles and traps on all roads.(Moans) Randy gets on jeep. Randy drives to Libya. Margo, a past criminal, outdrives all competitors . Animal cruelty added to her records. Margo now wanted in Africa. Margo reaches Libya. Margo then bribes boatman due to criminal records. Then Ashley arrives, then Bruce, then Randy. Last again. Margo mocks African Police as she leaves. Margo needs counselors, Randy thinks. They reach Paris. Jay says: Bike to the Eiffel Tower. Head to top of Eiffel Tower. Get on Helicopter. Go to Mexico. Do not use attached machine guns. If used, racer is kicked out. ( Darn it, says Margo.) Randy gets on bike. Randy bikes to Eiffel Tower. Margo sabotages Bruce. Bruce crashes into random mime. French police fine him €5000. They love mimes. Margo celebrates success. Bruce curses and vows revenge. Ashley, a biker at birth, reaches tower first. Randy reaches tower second. Randy takes stairs. Randy becomes last. Grrr. He thinks.Competitors get on helicopters. Helicopers take them to Mexico.